So, lately, I’ve been getting this strong feeling that I used to have when I was younger and it was summer time. Usually, I’d be playing a Harry Potter video game. Most of them are pretty awesome, I’ll have you know. Though none beats the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for the PC…Damn, one of the best games evar!

ANYWAY. It was back when Harry Potter was still big, I was still young and in school and summers meant the months of break from the drudge and horrors of school. I got to play with friends, go to the park, do anything I wanted. It was so much more fun than going to work 5-6 days a week, every day, the same thing. Though I suppose I shouldn’t really complain. Work has proved to be interesting at times.

I digress…this feeling, it’s really great. Just sort of a fresh, relieved, lackadaisical kind of feeling where I wasn’t in a rush to do something, embarrassed from getting in trouble from something, or shy and uncomfortable around someone. It’s an easy feeling where I can take my time, do what I want and relax…God, I missed feeling that way.

Well, I’m going to work in about…I dunno, 20 minutes and after that, I’ll be heading to Wisconsin! Yay! First stop, the cabin in Madison. Then we’re going to Laona. My mom, grandma, grandpa and two uncles were raised there. It should be interesting. It usually proves to be fun!

So, no updates until Monday! D: See you!!!

I’m sitting here, nursing a swollen lip.

I was playing with my (very neglected, I kid you not) niece and she got too excited, jumped up and hit me in the mouth so hard that it also it my nose. I can’t be mad at her, she didn’t do it on purpose, but I did have to come sit upstairs and just be away because I was rather inclined to yell…And I didn’t want to take it out on her, how could I have?

Anyway, I feel so much better today…I got my nails done, my feet done, my brows waxed and my upper lip waxed. Granted, I could’ve passed on the lip….especially since that shit HURTS…but I was like, “Well, I’m going to be around my rich family, I can pretend for a while.” My eyebrows needed to be done pretty bad, though. I just keep hoping one day I’ll get them waxed so much that they’ll just stay that way….Stop laughing.

It’s really sad and pathetic to say, but having everything done makes me feel really pretty. And much like a Morning Musume/Hello!Project member. HAW HAW HAW. Not that that’d ever happen, but it’s fun to pretend.

Mom found my phones today…God that woman is amazing sometimes. I tried to get her to buy shoes and get at least a manicure that I’d pay for for her and she was all, “ZOMGNO.” Okay then. Still, I would…she really helps me out despite moments where I stare at her and go, “What the hell are you thinking?” Though admittedly, I’ve thought the same way about myself. I dunno, I think she’d like it if she tried it. And I love getting manicures and pedicures but I do it so, SO rarely. I think the last time I was in there was around February. It was still frigid out. I know I’m going to have to get fake nails put on for Amy’s wedding, which is totally fine by me. I really like the gels they put on and now they have black gel. Excitement!!

Anyway, I’d better keep working at this site. And change the smilies. They’re super cute, but I just have too many expressions and 16 just isn’t enough!

Ja neeeee~

I’m back using the theme I originally made for the site. I feel more comfortable editing code this way. I feel like if I download someone else’s theme, I shouldn’t edit it at all…I don’t know. :S Maybe it’s silly.

Anyway, I’m going to tweak this one a bit until I get it how I want for now.

I’ve updated the How To Dye Your Hair article a bit and deleted the Events Calendar hack and the FanUpdate hack. Mostly because in some themes, my hack just doesn’t work and FanUpdate’s newest version has an automatic link back to your site. I also added an article on Root Touch-Up. I plan on adding some information about dogs and how to be a good owner. Maybe something on tricks and basic commands. We’ll see.

I also seriously need to change themes. This one’s really nice, but far too many things are customized the way I do not like so much.

I was also considering using Chyrp, but…I’d loose all the pwnsome plugins made for Wordpress that make my life quite easy. Sigh.

I’m not going to jinx myself and say, “Finally, I shall keep up with it!!” Because…in all honesty, I probably won’t. But here goes:

Today wasn’t too bad at work. K9 rightly pissed me off when I was about to go off on my boss. Fur realz. I can’t stand my mental capacity (or lack thereof) being made fun of. Okay, I know I’m not the border collie of people, but I’m not a fucking moron. Today, my boss left the cream cheese and peanut butter fillings in the fridge and, of course, someone came in to ask for them. I had to stand there, running hot water on the peanut butter to get it even remotely workable. That’s not even the real issue I was having though…It wasn’t the worst part, I mean. The fact is, if I had left the peanut butter and cream cheese in the fridge, I’d have gotten a note. I can understand that my boss is my boss…but um, double standards much?! Not fair! So I have to make customers wait because he forgot? I don’t know…I know he loves his business, I really do…but sometimes some of the things he does amazes me. Like not putting prices on things so I have to either call him and make someone wait and pray they’re not impatient enough to be all, “FUCK YOU!” and leave…Anyway, I digress. So I turn to him and I go (teasingly), “Am I going to have to put a note on the board for you about leaving the cream cheese and peanut butter in the fridge?” And he turns and goes, “Am I going to have to leave one for you about not putting them away?” And I GAWKED at him. I swear to God, the last thing I do before I leave is make sure that stuff is in the fridge because I already got one note about it. Believe me, once you point an error of mine out, I remember it. Forever. So we’re arguing back and forth about whether or not I put them away and I got to the point where I was either going to cry or panic because 1) He’s joking with me and taking it way too far or 2) I’m completely loosing my mind or 3) The K9 building is indeed haunted or 4) He’s over-exaggerating about doing it practically every night. I know I may forget once in a while when I’m in a hurry coz..ya know…I’ve gotta put a DOG DOWN or something or I’m demanded home so I can cart certain assholes of my family around. I told him it wasn’t funny and to quit joking and he insisted he wasn’t…I don’t know. Maybe the place is really haunted because I keep hearing the lock shift like someone’s coming in or out and locking or unlocking the door.

Anyway…And I still can’t find my phone…Since yesterday. And I’m starting to get worried. I know I had it when I called Rob Wednesday evening…and I could’ve sworn I put it by my bed to charge and now I can’t find it. Gerrr…

Bah…I’ve lost interest in updating as I’ve been distracted with new and shiny things. And my dogs. My two dogs. :( More later…I guess?

I went with this premade theme, credits at the bottom. I like it, I’d like to change a few things (ie: the fact that you can’t see the tags at all!) but that’s what happens when you don’t make your own layout.

To be perfectly honest, I’m terrified to sit and skim through everything to make a wordpress layout. There’s so much to customize, I wouldn’t know where to begin. I remember wordpress 1.5 which was the easiest thing in the world to edit and customize. No widgets or confusing link variables and pages and parents and stuff. Don’t get me wrong, it’s made a lot of convenience, but for me, a lot of customization is gone because I just don’t know what’s what and I can’t be bothered to sit down and learn it all. I really admire the people who can take the bits of wordpress and customize them so brilliantly.

Speaking of how things used to be, I really miss blogging every day and having my own site. I miss updating all the time and adding features I was proud of. I still want to rejoin the Quilting Bee because I had tons of fun with it. I really do miss it…Although I do now wonder if I have the time for it. Working three jobs can take a lot out of someone, plus social life. Gerrr…

I’ve also had odd feelings of euphoric-like flashbacks of ways I used to feel when I was younger. I remember the summer days were blissful in that I had no school and only needed to worry about how my best friend at the time was going to treat me…Damn, it sucked being younger. But anyway, divulging my past is a whole other story and probably involves a shrink of some sort. Getting back to the point, I remember sitting on the stairs of my house or being at the local park and just feeling so happy that it was warm, sunny and I didn’t have to worry about anything other than school coming up in a few months.

I hate to say it, but the real world sucks so much more than school ever did. Granted, I’m not picked on nearly as much as I always was in school–not by a long, LONG shot!–but dealing with bills and car things and getting Yuki and Severus’ vet bills and pets dying and whether or not I can make plans without having to break them myself instead of my mom lying for me (Oh yeah, that happened a LOT when I was little), making sure I’m at my job or getting ready for my job or buying things for my job…whether or not I can afford to move out or if I have to stay here a few more years…God, it just all sucks so much. I mean, it’s nice having the freedom of the fact that I can do what I want, when I want and I’m responsible enough that I can take care of myself, my bills, get things in my name and generally hold down jobs…I like that feeling of responsibility at times, but sometimes…it sucks. If I make a mistake at my job, I’m so hard on myself…But I seem to make them often and it’s just…so embarrassing.

Anyway, now for an abrupt subject change….

We had to put Brina down last Thursday…a week ago today….that was hard, really hard…especially since I went to both jobs the day after and actually had to finish out the day at K9 by myself. I cried the entire time.
I was in there when they put her down…I wish I could say it was fascinating or interesting or something to see death but…it was so fast…She died with her eyes open…that had bothered me a little. I kept wanting to close them, but if they’d re-opened, I would’ve been even more upset…I remember how cold her paw was while I held it..while she died. The only easy thing about the entire process was that I knew that it was time and it was the right thing to do. She was shutting down, but she wasn’t completely and utterly miserable. It just…got to the point where she’d hardly eat, could hardly get up and…worst of all, she didn’t wag her tail anymore.
After we’d brought her into the vet, or rather…after the techs got her in on the stretcher, she sat up a few times, her ears perked…then she’d just roll onto her side and lay there. We (my family) kissed her head and her nose, promising she’d be running through the cornfields as fast as she could once again…we waited too long in the room. It got from the point where I dreaded it, to almost just wanting to get it over with. The vet had a bit of a hard time finding her vein and she struggled a little while he had to prod, but after a few seconds he found it…I saw the blood shoot into the syringe…Not something I’d really ever care to see again. He injected the pink fluid and she shifted, her head flopped off the table and we quickly picked it up and set it down…She took her last breath and just stopped…It all just stopped. It was so fast, but it seemed forever. We then left…I quickly walked through the waiting room, not able to look at anyone and their happy, alive pets and went outside, rounded the corner and wailed…My mom came out and hugged me…my sister came over and we all hugged. I was able to make the drive home…but only because I think I had to concentrate on the road instead of what just happened. I still…keep thinking she’s here. Like she’s just outside my door, laying in the hallway like she used to. Or when I get home, the reason she hasn’t poked her head around the fridge was because she’s upstairs taking a nap with my mom…growling each time my mom touched her with her feet. That was always funny…she shouldn’t have been allowed to do it, but she was just complaining and it always made my mom and I giggle.
I miss her…a lot. Her dying just doesn’t seem real. I feel like she’s just out of my sight somewhere, opposite of where I am…in the end, she didn’t sleep upstairs much so I feel like just because she’s not in the hallway, doesn’t mean she’s not somewhere else in the house…but then I have to tell myself, “She’s gone…she’s better now.”
One of the things I’m having a really hard time dealing with other than her not being here, is the fact that now I want to overtly spoil Yuki and only get him the very best of everything and bathe him every other week and buy him the highest quality dog food and tons of toys and treats that are all beneficial…I don’t know if I’m terrified of Yuki dying or if I just don’t want him to only live to be 11 and then be really sick in the end. Although, with all the benefits…in the end, does it really matter? That’s what I have to worry about.

And then, there’s paying for everything. I’m getting no help from my mom with anything. My sister never pays her part of the internet and my mom complains if she has to buy me a pair of jeans…but she’ll take my niece everywhere and buy all sorts of things for her, no problem…I’m going to London to see Michael Ball in Hairspray and I’m going alone and paying for it alone. I have to pay for my part of the room in Laona, Wisconsin and my own meals when we go…It’s really trying. Even with three jobs, I’m having a bit of a hard time. I’m also trying to buy up stuff to make a costume for Halloween and the Renaissance Fair. I still have to buy Amy a wedding present, baccalaureate present and a shower gift. Damn I hate money and I wish I was rich.

Well, now that I’m nice and depressed and crying…I suppose I’d better end here. I don’t know if I feel like working more on the site, but we’ll see.

I want a horse.

Well, okay, not the greatest opener of a blog…but it’s true, I want a horse. I’ve been going out to the barn with Amy for almost a year now and there’s not a whole lot I don’t enjoy…aside from hauling hay. I won’t lie, that shit sucks. But still, even that I can deal with…I’ve just started riding Blue and it’s so great. I’m still a bit uneasy in the saddle, but once I get comfortable, I don’t want to get off.

Well anyway. I told my boss at K9 that I wanted one and his reaction was basically him thinking I had other priorities to take care of. Which I do, he’s right. I just don’t want a horse this moment. I’m talking in a few months when my credit cards are paid off. God I hate having credit cards. Anyway, I want one eventually. But eventually as in within like, a year. And he [my boss] wound up going into this big long thing about figuring out my life goals and priorities and where I want to be in 20 years…And while I can understand all of that, I don’t want to be working for 40 years for the horse I’ll never get…I don’t want to be 50 when I get a horse. Why? Because I’ll be too old to enjoy it. If I fall off and break my hip, I’ll need a damn replacement. Not that…people are that old when they’re 50…I’m just saying.

You know, and I’m just getting really bummed out by Amy lately…When I ask her a question, it’s usually a very sarcastic reply. Or the thing I said about not wanting a horse when I’m 50? She was all, “Why not?” v_v It’s irritating…I hate having to constantly explain myself or dig for feedback. She’s been really good at the, “I dunno…” reply with no follow up. You know, I don’t just come out and ask things or say things to hear myself talk and if I’m bugging you that much, why won’t you say something about it?

And you know, everyone keeps yelling at me about the financial crappiness of a horse. Uh, hello? I know that. I know that vet bills, ferrier visits, womers, supplies, coggins, and all of that stuff COSTS. MONEY. I KNOW!!! STOP TELLING ME!!!! I make $800, roughly. $400 of that goes to bills. That leaves a difference of $400! The place I want to board the horse charges $300, that’s a remainder of $100. Once my credit cards are paid off, I’ll have $500 a month and the remainder will double.

Anyway…I just don’t know what to do sometimes…

For more or less the whole story, please visit this entry at Jem’s site.

Again, thanks Jordan (my host) and Jem, for helping me out…Hopefully I won’t need to contact a lawyer and Netrillium will come to their senses…but I doubt it.

They SUCK ROYAL ASS. The one domain I haven’t yet transferred has officially been down since SUNDAY. The first hint of “service” I got wasn’t until Monday when they finally contacted me about my ticket (which was listed as “Urgent”). My domain had been down for a full day. My current and far more loved host, Holdfire, takes maybe a few hours at the longest. I’ve never, ever waited more than maybe three or four hours. Mind you, she’s independently owned and has her own life to run. So for this “business” to screw people around like this is ridiculous. My domain is STILL DOWN. Thursday, it’s still gone. First they told me it was going through a server move. Okay, fine. I got an ticket response saying everything was “okay” so I went to check my domain, gone. If you go to http://phoenix-dns.com, you’ll see what I see when I click on my domain name. Needless to say, I’m not happy. Then some b!tch tells me that my domain has been compromised due to an old script or some such crap. Whatever. Fine, I’ll go delete it IF I CAN GET ACCESS TO IT. And that was YESTERDAY. MORNING. This is ridiculous. Absolutely and completely ridiculous. I do suspect the fact that they haven’t yet contacted me is because I’m looking for my EPP authorization. The owner of Holdfire has stated that they’re famous for f@(*ing over their customers when it comes to this. Just peachy. I’m warning you know and please, please heed it. Do NOT sign up with them.